As caregivers, we often must make decisions that benefit the whole unit - not Just one person.

We get into the trap as caregivers where we're thinking of someone almost to the exclusion of everyone else,. I understand why - because that person has extreme needs. 

But as a caregiver, YOU are meeting many of those extreme needs. What happens if you don't consider the person meeting the extreme needs? 

You must think of the whole unit. 

 

If you feel that you are operating out of guilt or fear or any of those things, what kind of decisions are you going to make?

See, that's the whole point of this program.

I'm not here to give caregiving tips.

We'll have them.

I mean, you can't help but have them.

We're going to talk about it.

We'll swerve into all kinds of things, whether it's, you know, handicap-accessible features or taking up the throw rugs or how to deal with an insurance company, how to deal with doctors.

Yeah, we'll cover all that.

I got that.

Okay.

But how many of us make good decisions when we are gripped with fear, guilt, or obligation?

And how long do you think you can make decisions if you feel obligated to do this, you feel trapped to do this, you feel like this is what you're supposed to do?

How long before that turns into full-blown resentment?

How many of you are already there?

That you're struggling with this right now and you just feel resentful.

And I took a temperature of our Facebook group the other day. In one word, describe how you feel.

And you see the dynamics of what people are dealing with.

They're afraid, they're worn out, they're mad, they're exhausted, depressed.

It's all over the map.

How Many Good Decisions Are Made With Those Kinds Of Feelings?

And then we have to have an anchor point that helps us make good decisions, regardless of what we're feeling or, sometimes, what we're seeing with our very eyes.

What I mean by that is many of us have to look at suffering and we cannot allow that suffering to dictate good decision making.

We have to think clearly.

We have to detach from that somewhat.

They're depending on us to do it.

I mean, think about when you're in a situation when you're hurting; how many good decisions do you make when you've sprained your ankle or broken your leg or fallen and got yourself cut or whatever?

You're kind of almost in panic mode sometimes when you get to that level of trauma.

How many good decisions are you making?

Well, that's the same point that our loved ones have to deal with, and they count on us to do it.

But if we are so paralyzed is a good word, but it's not just paralyzed.

If we're so encumbered by all these other things, whether it be fear, obligation to guilt, resentment, terror, or any of those things, what are you going to do?

Somebody has got to step back away from that and have a clear head.

And if you don't do it as a caregiver for your loved one, who is in line behind you to do it?

So that's our reality.

Somebody has got to keep a cool head.

Now that's hard to do.

And I would suggest to you that you can't do it on your own.

You're going to need help to do this.

And that's why this program is anchored in what Scripture says.

What does God say?

Now, I promise you, I've looked.

There is no place in Scripture where I have found any type of clear instructions on how to deal as a husband caring for his wife

For Somebody with 86 Surgeries, Both Legs Amputated, and Going on for 40 Years.

I've looked.

It ain't in there.

Okay?

Not there.

But there are a lot of scriptures that talk about fear, feeling weary, guilt, anxiety, sorrow, depression, loneliness,

All of those things are covered.

And if God has this in his scriptures, in his word to us, people always say, well, I didn't know what God's will for my life is.

He's already said it.

And within the confines of his decreed word that we have, we are free to use the mind that he gave us.

You know, some people overthink this.

Well, what kind of job does God want me to have?

What Kind of Job Do You Want?

Does it line up with the values and the directives that he has in Scripture?

Do you think God is going to want you to be a drug dealer?

No?

Okay, cross that off the list.

I understand that's an absurd example, but sometimes you make your point with absurdity.

We Don't Have to Overthink This.

And I'll never forget a dear pastor friend of ours when Gracie and I were looking at a decision to have a pain pump put in her that was attached to her dura, and it worked for a while.

Then it just went horribly wrong, but that's a longer story.

But at the time, we were trying to figure out whether we should make this decision.

And our pastor looked at her and said, there's no sin involved in this decision.

You've done your due diligence.

You've sat down and talked about this with the professionals, your doctor and so forth.

There's no sin involved in this.

This is not a moral equation here.

We're within the confines of Scripture.

We're not violating any of God's precepts.

And I would suggest the same applies across the board for all of us as caregivers when we're making decisions as long as we understand the parameters of what God says.

And we use that to guide us in our decision-making.

Being good stewards of money, being kind and considerate, thoughtful, committing it to prayer,

All of these things are involved as you make this decision that you may have to make unilaterally for the betterment of the unit.

Understand this, you may be making that decision, but if you are standing on the principles of God's Word, you're not making that decision in a vacuum.

You're not leaning on your own understanding.

You will acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will direct your paths.

Now the question is for us as caregivers,

Do We Believe That or Not?

Is that something that is going to be anchored in our soul or not?

And I ask you, my fellow caregivers, would you be willing to do that with your decision-making?

When we do that, that is hope for the caregiver, that conviction that we can live a calmer, healthier, and, dare I say it, a more joyful life, even while serving as a caregiver and making hard decisions.

Okay, we'll talk about that some more, but sometimes we have to make decisions unilaterally on what's best for the unit.