Thanks for joining me.
I thought today that I would share a short story about Zeke and his way of relating to his children and then take a closer look. I think we discover that some things don’t just apply to our children. Let’s hear the story and then dig in a little.
Finding Balance:
Zeke had been a father for years, and he felt he had done some things right, but he was starting to struggle now that his children had grown into teenagers. His friend listened intently as Zeke shared stories of his many parenting experiences.

Zeke told of the times his children had pushed the boundaries and how it had mostly resulted in negative outcomes. Of course, he also shared stories of how he had attempted to

address their behavior in the moment. He recalled times he had allowed natural consequences to play out, and also times when he had taken a more punitive approach.

As he continued to talk, Zeke realized that most of the discipline he had used in the past had been ineffective. His friend agreed that a different approach was needed, but he wasn't sure what would be best. After considering the situation carefully, Zeke decided that a balance of rewards and consequences might be the best option.

He figured that rewards would motivate the kids to cooperate with his rules, and that consequences would teach them to take responsibility for their behavior. He also hoped that by taking the time to explain the reasons behind his rules, his children would eventually come to understand why following them was important.

With new strategies in mind, Zeke headed home to give the plan a try. That night, all of his children were on their best behavior and seemed much more willing to cooperate. Zeke was pleased with the outcome and knew that his new approach had been a success.

From then on, Zeke swore by positive reinforcement and

consequences when it came to disciplining his children and raising them to be responsible, respectful young adults.
Stop to Consider
It sure sounds like Zeke is Giving serious thought to his approach to being a parent. It also sounds like he has made some changes that are over-due. But let’s take a closer look.

His old approach had been allowing natural consequences to play out or taking a more punitive approach. That sounds like wait and see or punish to me.

His new approach, rewards and consequences, does add a new element. His former “punitive approach” and the new “consequences” sound like the same approach to me, but “rewards” is new. Along with punishing his children when they take a miss-step, he now rewards them when they behave as he expects -- an over-due improvement for sure.

Of course his new approach is also known as the “carrot and stick” approach. Zeke has upped his game, but not by much. Influencing the behavior of people in general and children in particular is a lot more complex and our options go far beyond carrots and sticks.


Why should children pay attention to anything we say or tell them?
Stop a second to think about what your first reaction was to the question. For most people, "Because I am the parent" or "Because I am the adult" or some variation on the theme comes to mind.

Both of these answers are reasonable and appropriate. What I want to point out here is that there are several reasons why your children should listen to what you say. It will be helpful for you to think about and understand which reason is operating when you want your children to listen, to pay attention, to accept what you are saying to them or telling them.

Your being clear about why you think they should pay attention will help them be clear about why they should pay attention this time. There is an additional payoff for you. When you are at work or in other situations where you want people to pay attention to you, being clear in your own mind about why they should pay attention will make it more likely that they will accept you and what you are saying.