Unaddressed traumas, unresolved conflicts, and buried emotions can morph into a looming Mount Everest.
As Kristianne Wargo wisely puts it, "The trash of your past needs to be taken out or it becomes an overwhelming mountain of C.R.A.P. It stinks, it smells, it shackles the heart."
In order to break free from the chains of the past and pave the way for a thriving marriage, it is imperative to confront the buried burdens head-on.
The K.I.S.S. ~ Confront the buried burdens head-on!
If you choose to hide from the past, it will haunt you down and destroy your marriage.
Put on your big girl panties! I know you have the courage to face your past. I understand it won't be easy and you might even uncover some things you didn't think was a big deal.
But the key is to know and understand to the best of your ability, so you can move forward with confidence that your past is simply that-- your past!
Here are three actionable steps that spouses can take to navigate the complexities of their past and cultivate a healthier present for their marriage:
1. Acknowledge and Accept the Past
Self-awareness serves as the first step towards healing. Recognize the impact of past traumas, generational patterns, and unresolved conflicts on your present behavior and relationships. You can't heal what you don't acknowledge. Stop using the excuse of not knowing, and learn what has been holding you back in your past. By confronting those shadows with honesty and vulnerability, you make a way to reach the freedom to love deeper.
2. Break the Old Patterns
A lot of what we carry with us comes from our past experiences, which are fueled by generational patterns. Our parents and grandparents and everyone in between have an influence on how we lead our lives. However, there comes a point in life where we have to look at what is good for us as an individual and then as a couple. By breaking free from the cycle of generational sins, you create space for personal growth and relational harmony.
Author Haruki Murakami, "If you can't understand it without an explanation, you can't understand it with an explanation." In other words, just because it made sense in the past doesn't mean it is right for you in the present.
3. Forgive to Let Go
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself first. When you forgive, you are giving away what is burying your heart deep in the dungeon of despair. And then, it's that forgiveness that sweeps away the dust bunnies in the nooks and crannies that steals away your courage to heal from the hurts. You can heal, but you have to forgive to let go!
As Kristianne Wargo aptly states, "At some point, you have to face your past so you can be present today."
CHALLENGE: How have you dealt with your past? Or have you?
By embarking on this journey of self-discovery, forgiveness, and growth, spouses can unravel the shackles of the past and forge a path toward a more resilient and genuine marriage.
In the timeless words of Maya Angelou, "History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again."
Some things need not be repeated; they must be left in the past and dealt with. Stop the madness in your marriage!
