Dysfunctional: Why My Conversations With Difficult People Are Not Working



2 Timothy 2:23–26 Again I say, don’t get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights. 24 A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. 25 Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth. 26 Then they will come to their senses and escape from the devil’s trap. For they have been held captive by him to do whatever he wants. (NLT)



1. You need to determine if you should engage a difficult person



2 Timothy 2:23 Again I say, don’t get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights. (NLT)



1A. There are times you should not engage a difficult person



1 Timothy 1:4 Don’t let them waste their time in endless discussion of myths and spiritual pedigrees. These things only lead to meaningless speculations, which don’t help people live a life of faith in God. (NLT)



1 Timothy 4:7 Do not waste time arguing over godless ideas and old wives’ tales. Instead, train yourself to be godly. (NLT)



1 Timothy 6:20–21 Timothy, guard what God has entrusted to you. Avoid godless, foolish discussions with those who oppose you with their so-called knowledge. 21 Some people have wandered from the faith by following such foolishness. May God’s grace be with you all. (NLT)



2 Timothy 2:14 Remind everyone about these things, and command them in God’s presence to stop fighting over words. Such arguments are useless, and they can ruin those who hear them. (NLT)



2 Timothy 2:16–18 Avoid worthless, foolish talk that only leads to more godless behavior. 17 This kind of talk spreads like cancer, as in the case of Hymenaeus and Philetus. 18 They have left the path of truth, claiming that the resurrection of the dead has already occurred; in this way, they have turned some people away from the faith. (NLT)



1B. There are times you should engage a difficult person



Acts 18:4  Every Sabbath he reasoned in the synagogue, trying to persuade Jews and Greeks. (NIV)



Acts 19:8–9 Paul entered the synagogue and spoke boldly there for three months, arguing persuasively about the kingdom of God. 9 But some of them became obstinate; they refused to believe and publicly maligned the Way. So Paul left them. He took the disciples with him and had discussions daily in the lecture hall of Tyrannus. (NIV)



1C. There are times when you need to establish boundaries after engaging a difficult person



Titus 3:9–10 Do not get involved in foolish discussions about spiritual pedigrees or in quarrels and fights about obedience to Jewish laws. These things are useless and a waste of time. 10 If people are causing divisions among you, give a first and second warning. After that, have nothing more to do with them. (NLT)



Romans 16:17–18 And now I make one more appeal, my dear brothers and sisters. Watch out for people who cause divisions and upset people’s faith by teaching things contrary to what you have been taught. Stay away from them. 18 Such people are not serving Christ our Lord; they are serving their own personal interests. By smooth talk and glowing words they deceive innocent people. (NLT)



2 Thessalonians 3:14–15 Take note of those who refuse to obey what we say in this letter. Stay away from them so they will be ashamed. 15 Don’t think of them as enemies, but warn them as you would a brother or sister. (NLT)



2 Timothy 3:4–5 They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. 5 They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that! (NLT)



2 John 1:10–11 If anyone comes to your meeting and does not teach the truth about Christ, don’t invite that person into your home or give any kind of encouragement. 11 Anyone who encourages such people becomes a partner in their evil work. (NLT)



7 Principles For Engaging A Difficult Person



1. Be focused on solutions with difficult people not a fight



2 Timothy 2:24 A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. (NLT)



Proverbs 29:11 Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back. (NLT)



2. Be kind to difficult people



2 Timothy 2:24 A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. (NLT)



Ephesians 4:31–32 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. (NLT)



3. Be patient with difficult people



2 Timothy 2:24 A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. (NLT)



Proverbs 15:18 A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel. (NIV)



Ephesians 4:2 Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. (NLT)



Proverbs 14:29 People with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness. (NLT)



4. Be gentle with difficult people



2 Timothy 2:25 Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth. (NLT)



Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (NIV)



5. Be biblical with difficult people



2 Timothy 2:25 Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth. (NLT)



6. Be for the difficult person winning in life



2 Timothy 2:25-26 Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth. 26 Then they will come to their senses and escape from the devil’s trap. For they have been held captive by him to do whatever he wants. (NLT)



7. Be aware the difficult person is in a spiritual battle



2 Timothy 2:26 Then they will come to their senses and escape from the devil’s trap. For they have been held captive by him to do whatever he wants. (NLT)



Matthew 5:44 “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.” (NKJV)