Sitting in a Car
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There can be a lot of conflicting advice around raising kids. So who do we listen to when our kid, along with his friends, has been asking other kids to pull down their pants to see their genitals? Immediately we might think: __ __ And anything that comes up is valid. Because we know what the world outside of our homes is like. However, it’s also important to remember that behaviour is communication. So, no you haven’t failed! Our kid is just letting us know, through his actions, that he needs more information. So, how do we get him the information he needs to understand consent and respecting other people’s bodies? This episode gives you 3 options you can use with your 6yo to give him the information that he needs. Of course, first ruling out that there is nothing untoward happening to him or his friends, such as an adult having asked them to pull down their pants, and then we can practice consent and respect in a safe and loving space. You’re encouraged to remember that raising confident and caring kids is not always easy. So please do be kind to yourself. Especially if you didn’t have many role models for this style of parenting. If that’s the case for you my diary is open to have a chat about the specific needs of you and your family. Visit www.sarahsproule.com/bio to book a chat with me here. Until next week’s episode of Sitting in a Car, x Sarah
No you weren’t wrong. We do need to have sensitive convos with our kids that provide them with information that they will need as they grow. But what a lot of experts miss is that to have these kinds of convos we need to establish and have nurtured a connection with our kid. The same connection we had with them as babies isn’t the exact same one they need now. So in learning new skills & strategies, we can grow with them and maintain our connections. Have a listen to this week’s podcast and let me know if you found it helpful. As always, if you need more support in any part of your parenting The Evolve School would love to help you care for your kid. Join the waitlist here, www.sarahsproule.com/evolve http://www.sarahsproule.com/evolve and I'll be in touch before the next enrollment. x Sarah
Firstly, what a win that your kid could come to you and share this discovery with you! How many of us hid our identities because we didn’t feel safe enough to express what they might be or were? I’m bisexual and I came to this identity late. When I read this question I was delighted for this kid. He’s 12 and has realised this about himself and it made me realise, in retrospect, how much I would have loved to have had this conversation about my bisexuality sooner. The thing to consider here is that your kid is learning about themselves. And in learning who we are, what we do and don’t like, we have to have experiences. Being able to encourage our kid through their experiences is major. It will be something they remember for life. Because, you know, they may get to a point where this identity no longer fits. And how you supported them through this experience will make all the difference. So join me for this week’s episode where I help you to support your kid when they discover something new about themselves. As always, if it feels right for you, I’d love to welcome you into The Evolve School. It’s currently closed but if you head over to www.sarahsproule.com/evolve you can join our waitlist and I’ll reach out nearer the next enrollment date. Please share this podcast with anyone you know who is building an evolved, communicating family and let’s have more conversations that support us in caring for our kids. x Sarah
Behaviour is logical. It doesn’t come out of nowhere. Our kid’s words, actions, body language, and tone of voice are communicating something to us. What is she thinking and feeling yet not unable to say? We need to find a way to allow her to SAY it. To connect with our kid we need to meet her where she’s at. This isn’t the time to justify or explain why logically what we’ve been doing is ‘right’. So how do we connect with our kid so that whenever we talk to her about sex it doesn’t bring about disgust and anger? That’s what we’re diving into in this week’s episode. Are you willing to say 2 words, 7 letters? Are you willing to take full responsibility for your actions, no matter your intention? Are you willing to prioritise the connection with your kid over anything else? Join me for this episode and learn how to turn this scenario around. Now, I know this can be quite a challenging journey for most of us, so if you’d like to learn more strategies that can help you connect with your kid(s) alongside the skills required to implement them then join the waitlist for the Evolve School. We’re currently closed (we only open twice a year), but as soon as we reopen for enrollment I’ll be sure to let you know. If it’s a good time for you then you can join us. www.sarahsproule.com/evolve http://www.sarahsproule.com/evolve. Remember these strategies can be used time and time again, so be prepared to take notes. I look forward to hearing your thoughts and stories in my comments and DMs. x Sarah
My 13-yr-old has started watching porn but doesn’t want to talk about it. He feels awkward when I try to discuss it with him as he says it’s weird. What can I do? This is the question that I’m answering this week and I love this question because it give us a chance to really build a deeper connection with our kid(s). The answer comes from the Courage pillar inside the Evolved Family Method which helps us build evolved, communicating families. Now, I’m sure you probably have your own thoughts/judgments around porn. And there’s no judgment around that. But how do we set those thoughts/judgments aside to have a useful convo with our 13-yr-old kid? We want to make sure that they’re safe and have information that helps them to make healthy decisions. And let’s be honest, porn is bad sex education. So, what is the “answer”? How do we help? Connection builds. So we need to connect with our kid. If you’re asking how, it’s by following their lead. Let him help us learn HOW to talk to him about this stuff. Listen to the episode to learn three strategies to help you do this. These strategies are ones you will use over and over again. Parenthood is a journey that requires support. It takes a village. So if you would like the support of a village to learn new skills, strategies and have support whilst implementing, join the Evolve School waitlist. Sign up at www.sarahsproule.com/evolve http://www.sarahsproule.com/evolve and I’ll let you know as soon as the doors re-open. For now catch the strategies in this episode and be sure to let me know how you get on, if you use them. x Sarah
Have you been wracking your brain for all the reasons why they’re not talking? Especially when you know they need someone they can trust to confide in? Maybe you’re feeling regret about past parenting decisions? Blaming yourself for how you handled a past situation? If this is you, please remember that parenting is a lifelong journey, and we’re constantly learning. Kids go through many developmental stages. One of our jobs is to have the skills to help them navigate each one. High level connection is a skill. Being able to talk about sensitive things is a skill. We may not have learned these skills in our own families. And it’s likely that we weren’t taught these skills in school, either. So now it’s time to learn those skills. In this episode we discuss: __ __ Have a listen, and feel free to share with me your insights or experiences from implementation. x Sarah
I don’t want my kid to be that kid that knows about how we make new humans before the other kids do. But I also know they need the info. What should I do? You can take a poll of what the other parents are doing. Find out when they plan to have the convos and wait until then... Or you can decide to do what’s best for you and your kid and prepare for whatever may come. Learn some best practices on how to manage other people’s emotions. Learn what questions to ask yourself so that, when faced with a similar scenario, you know what to do. You might be thinking “Ok Sarah, you know I’m leaning towards the latter but what does that look like?” Well, in this episode I share 3 ways to help you choose what’s best for you and your kid(s). Minus the input of other people. And remember if you ever feel alone in your journey or feel like you could use some more support join the waitlist for The Evolve School. x Sarah
Given the society and culture we live in today, this is enough to freak any parent out! We remember what our teenage years were like. We all had something about our ever-changing bodies that we didn’t like or even hated! Did we have a trusted, safe source to confide in? Were we able to express how we felt? Did we feel seen by our carers? Of course, they did their best but maybe we didn’t have any of the above. And so now we want to make sure our kid does have that. Not to mention the fact that the media is super unhelpful. There is generally only one type of body image shown. And a tonne of shaming and exclusion of diverse bodies. So, if your 10 yr-old is struggling with their body image, made worse by the lack of inclusion in the media, I’ve got you. If you feel like you could use further support for this part of your parenting, consider joining The Evolve School. This is your chance to develop your own unique way of nurturing the connection with your kid(s). Join the waitlist here https://sarahsproule.support/waitlist/ https://sarahsproule.support/waitlist/ For now, listen into this week’s podcast for 3 ways you can connect with your 10-yr-old as they navigate their body image. x Sarah
Does this feel like a bit of a curveball? It’s ok if it does. As humans we want to protect our kid(s) from anything that may cause them pain, suffering, discrimination, etc. We want them to feel loved, supported, and free to be who they are! But how do we create this environment for them if we’re in a state of panic, fear, and uncertainty? Can we create this environment for them? The simple answer is yes. The solution however, is not as easy. Our community and our pillars were created for this exact reason; because it’s not easy. We must put in the work to have deeper connections with our kids. And that requires support. Community. Because the work sometimes looks like: __ __ None of which are easy, but with the support of a community of parents who are on a similar journey the road is less lonely. So in this week’s episode we dive into some of this work. We learn how to show up for our kid as a courageous, kind, & compassionate parent. One who reminds our kid that they have full permission to be who they are. One that models to our kid what self-regulation looks like. One that creates a safe-space of deep connection for an evolved communicating family. If you’re here, the likelihood is that you’re a courageous yet tongue-tied parent. And if so, you’re on the right podcast. Have a listen to this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car to get support on how to answer your 6yo who says they’ve been a boy since they were 2 ½. For ongoing support visit www.sarahsproule.com/bio Now let’s dive in. x Sarah
When it came to awkward conversations, our parents did their best with what they knew. Whether you were dismissed, made to feel uncomfortable or awkward about sensitive subjects, you want to do things differently, and build an Evolved Communicating Family. However, you may experience a level of panic or dread when it comes to having these same conversations with your kid, especially if they are young. If you feel you could use some support and actionable pointers for this part of your parenting, join me on this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car. I’ll see you there. x Sarah
No, you haven’t! But let’s not wait any longer. We can be so hard on ourselves as parents. Understandable, I get it. The pressure to be perfect is all around us. However I’m sure you’ll also agree, that as there is no manual this is just unnecessary pressure. Whatever your reason(s) for, not yet, having the talk with your kid, it’s not too late. Whether: You felt unsure about what to say. Were waiting for them to come to you. Were waiting for the perfect time or the perfect words. Now feel like you’ve missed the boat. It’s not too late! Join us this week as we dive into how to show ourselves compassion as parents; how to use this as a learning opportunity (for you and your kid); and how to use our emotions about our mistakes to create connection with our kid(s). Before you dive in, remember: To go easy on yourself. You are here, showing up for yourself and your kid. You’re willing to, and are putting in the work to make lasting changes. The development of new habits takes time. If you feel like you could use some support with sustaining your growth as a courageous parent. Or need the support of a community. Join us in The Evolve School. We only open twice a year. And doors are only open for a limited time. So, if you feel called to, and are ready to take the next step on your journey, get in touch here. x Sarah
What would you do if this were your kid? Can you imagine how you might feel? Have you been this parent? Are you this parent? First things first, seek professional help to make sure there’s not something more to this. Once you have confirmation your kid is safe, then what? In this week’s episode I talk you through my suggestions to this question. This question came from a very concerned parent who wants to support their kid the best way they can. This is a sensitive topic that requires compassion and an open mind. It may be that paid, professional help is required. It may be that your kid functions differently to the majority. So needs information presented in another way. If this is the case it’s totally ok. You can, with the right support, provide the information they need. If you feel like you could use some more support for this part of your parenting, and to hear all about how to support your kid as he learns about boundaries and consequences around the touching of genitals, have a listen to this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car. x Sarah
“What is rape?” coming from a 10-year-old is a pretty loaded question! Where do we even begin? What do we say? How much do we say? Unfortunately, we cannot shelter our kids from the harsh realities of the world. In fact, it’s not helpful. And we come across to our kid(s) as clueless. As adults, responsibly talking about sensitive things, allows & models for our child to do the same. This is a great way to develop an evolved & communicating family. When we do the work to manage past emotions and experiences, we can be grounded in the present for our families. In this week’s episode I explore ways to answer this question and reasons we should answer. It would be easy to say ‘that’s not something you need to worry about now’. But if your kid(s) is asking, they need an answer. If you feel like you could use some more support for this part of your parenting, and to hear all about how to answer a question around a complex topic, have a listen to this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car. x Sarah
Here’s a quick heads up … our goal isn’t ONLY to get info about sex, bodies, babies and all the things in front of our kids … It’s to create connection with them too! So many of us parents have heard ALL the stories about kids who pull away from their parents in the pre-teen and teenage years. So a lot of us just stop trying to say anything. Because we’re afraid of our kids pulling away. But we know our kids need the info. So what can we do? To hear all about how to support your kid as they grow through puberty, join me on this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car. x Sarah
Lots of us are dedicated to giving our kids all the info we know they need, but aren’t sure how to do that, or when. And we might have memories ourselves of our parents trying to have chats with us, and it feeling weird and icky and wrong. Or maybe we were given a book, and told If you have any questions, just ask, And THAT felt wrong too! So we want to do things differently for our own kids. Let’s hop into this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car x Sarah
This week, let’s talk about what to do when your 8-year-old asked you (quite a while ago) What is sex? and you said you’d get back to them with a good answer, and now you’re all ready with an answer – but they’ve never asked again! My answer this week comes from some of the core principles that underpin the Evolved Family method. A lot of you probably already know about the Evolved Family method's three pillars, Courage, Growth, and Kindness. But underpinning those pillars, are a few foundational principles. This week’s answer comes from those ideas. If you need to give an answer to a question your 8 year old asked a while ago but hasn’t asked again, join me on this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car. x Sarah
This week, a parent asks what to do when chats with your kids about sensitive stuff, aren't happening naturally. We might be ready to be open with our kids, and have open, ongoing convos about sex, bodies, babies and all the things, so that our kids get the info they need. But our kids aren’t asking. And now they’re growing older – and still not asking! So what do we do? My answer this week comes from the Courage pillar of the Evolved Family method. The Courage pillar helps us to start conversations, manage big emotions, and start convos about stuff that doesn’t come up on its own. If you feel like you could use some more support with chats that aren't happening naturally, have a listen to this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car. x Sarah www.sarahsproule.com/bio
This week, a parent asks, ‘How can I turn uncomfortable conversations with my kid about sensitive stuff into more comfortable ones?’ What a great question this is. What can we do about our own feelings and fears around having sensitive chats that hold us back from having them, or make it super hard and uncomfortable when we do talk? My answer this week comes from the Kindness pillar of the Evolved Family method. The Kindness pillar helps us do many awesome things. But one of its most important jobs, is helping us really focus in on ourselves, so we can be more available to our kid when we’re talking about sensitive stuff. I know all this might feel quite radical... Supporting our kid, by first asking ourselves what we need! That’s because it IS radical. But I promise you, it is so, so powerful. If you feel like you could use some more support for this part of your parenting, and turn uncomfortable conversations with my kid about sensitive stuff into more comfortable ones, have a listen to this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car. x Sarah
‘How can I get on the same page as my ex/co-parent, when it comes to having sensitive conversations with our kids about sex, bodies, babies and all the things, so that we’re both saying the same thing?’ What a great question! My answer this week comes from the Courage pillar of the Evolved Family method, which gives us the skills to chat about complex stuff, helps us create connection with our kids as we do it, and supports us to take action when we need to. Now, what a lot of us do, when we’re co-parenting with an ex, is hold off on having these sensitive conversations because frankly we’re worried about the conflict it might create. And I get that. Conflict with an ex is SO hard. And conflict with an ex about how to parent around sensitive stuff, is just SUPER hard. So we might try & talk our ex into agreeing to parent the way we do. And we might send them articles, or YouTube videos, or an episode of Sitting In A Car. And we might wait til there’s some kind of consensus, before saying anything to our kids. The problem is… we know that our kids need to know this stuff. And we know at some level that waiting, and not talking, isn’t what’s best for them. So what do we do? How can we co-parent with an ex, and have sensitive conversations with our kids at the times we need to have them, even if we parent in different ways, and don’t agree? If you feel like you could use some more support for this part of your parenting, and to hear all about getting on the same page with your ex/co-parent about sensitive convos, join me on this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car. x Sarah
Good morning! Let’s chat about what you can do when you’ve got a 6-year-old who likes to hump the couch. :D My answer for you this week comes from some of the values that underpin the whole Evolved Family method. Behaviour is communication. Our kids don’t do things for no reason or to wind us up. Behaviour is logical and there’s always a reason. You see, our kid’s genitals, and sexual self, are just the same as their face, eyes, hands, respiratory system, and so on. They’re just another bit of who they are as a human. So what can you do, or should you do, if you have a kid who loves to rub their private bits on the furniture? The first thing to know, is that so much of parenting, has to do with asking ‘Is this normal?’ So: it’s normal to ask, is this normal. :) Oftentimes, parents can feel very worried or concerned when ‘Is this normal?’ has to do with sex, gender, bodies and all the things. And I totally understand why. We’ve been programmed by our culture, whenever we hear about children and anything to do with sexuality, to jump to all kinds of scary conclusions. But it’s actually normal for us adults,to learn as we go about what is normal and awesome for our kids, when it comes to their sexuality. And our kid teaches us this, by being their awesome self. Discover more by watching this latest episode of Sitting in a Car. And if you feel like you could use some more support for this part of your parenting, send me a DM right here on FB. I’m here to help. x Sarah
This week, let’s chat about what to do if your 7-year-old boy has just learned about periods – and you’re worried he’s going to share this exciting new info with all of his friends!! Including his friends who are going to get periods someday, and who might not know about them yet. My answer to this question is from the Courage pillar of the Evolved Family method, which gives you the skills to speak up about complex stuff, and build more connection with your child as you do that. And, it helps you to run interference between your child and the world at large, where other people might be thinking and parenting differently. Unlike most of our own parents, we know that kids need to have the info about sex, puberty, bodies, babies and all the things. And we know that giving our kids this information keeps them safer. But what happens when our parenting bumps up against the outside world? Where maybe other kids don’t have this info? Because maybe other parents don’t believe they should have it? This is a complex one. So do watch this week’s episode for the full details. And if you feel like you could use some extra support for this part of your parenting, comment below or send me a DM. I’m here to help... x Sarah
I’ve a fantastic question for you this week. A parent writes, ‘How can I teach my 15-year-old daughter to say no when she’s in highly pressurised situations?’ My answer to this week’s question comes from the Courage pillar inside the Evolved Family Method – which helps us speak up about complicated things, using everyday situations, in a way that builds deeper connection with our child(ren) as we do it. This is a super question because so many parents really don’t feel great about this bit of parenting. In the teenage years, we can feel a bit like our kid has drifted apart from us. We might feel our influence waning. We could feel a bit out of control, out of our depth. We might find ourselves saying things like, ‘You know you can always say no, right?’ And watching our teenager roll their eyes, and say, ‘I KNOW.’ And it's not a convo that feels very connected, or very good. In fact, it’s MOST unhelpful! So what can we do about it? If you feel like you could use some support for this part of your parenting, and to hear all about how to teach your teen to say ‘No’ more easily, have a listen to this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car. x Sarah
‘How do you balance giving your kid info, with trying to shape or limit what they do with that info? 'Once you’ve told your kid what happens in sex, how do you build in that it’s not something for kids to do? My fear is that my super-curious 5-year-old will try & act it out with his friends in school. I really don’t want that phone call from school!’ This question is relevant for any of us who have started having convos with our kids that we hope will equip them for learning about this part of being human. If you feel like you could use some more support for this part of your parenting, and to hear all about how to manage a 5-year-old who knows what intercourse is, join me on this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car. x Sarah
This week, let’s chat about what to do when your 3-year-old is super interested in her little brother’s willy! And keeps commenting on it in the bath. My answer comes from the two main concepts in my work: genitals are simply another part of our body, and sexuality is an everyday part of being a human being. This understanding is at the very heart of the Evolved Family method. It’s actually quite powerful, cos when we know this to be true, it gives us a lot of freedom! And all kinds of conversations with our kids become possible. Including chats about a younger brother’s willy. So, if you feel like you could use some more support for this part of your parenting, and to hear all about how to support your 3-year-old who is super interested in her little brother’s willy, join me on this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car. x Sarah
This week, let’s chat about how to have sensitive, connected conversations when you have kids who are on the spectrum. What many families do, when they have kids living with Autism, is default to saying less, not more about sensitive stuff. But the key to having connected chats with kids who are ND isn’t saying less. It’s focusing in on what makes your kids unique and awesome, and having chats in ways that make the most of those qualities. So, if you feel like you could use some more support for this part of your parenting, and to hear all about how to support your kid on the spectrum, join me on this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car. x Sarah
Let’s chat about the hidden questions you mightn’t even know to ask, that will give you more connected conversations with your kids. These questions come from the Courage pillar of the Evolved Family method, which is all about connection – and empathy. You may be surprised to learn (or not!) that the key to a lot of the questions we parents find the hardest to answer, is empathy. So let’s talk about the emotions and thoughts that go unsaid when we’re having sensitive conversations with our kids – and how we can use those hidden questions, no matter how scary, to create a more connected family. If you feel like you could use some more support to build deeper connections with your kid(s), join me on this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car. x Sarah
‘My 8-year-old found a lump under her nipple, and I had a suspicion it could be breast buds. I don’t remember myself if they hurt or not coming in, and I wasn’t able to talk to my own mother about anything to do with puberty. I want to be there for my daughter, but it’s so hard when I had no advice or support passed down to me. So I feel quite lost.’ This is such a beautiful question. Because it’s about so much more than breasts growing. Isn’t it? My answer comes from the Kindness pillar of the Evolved Family method, which helps us get ourselves into a really good place, so we can be there for our child in the way that we want to be. And NOT go on the old programming. (Or the total lack of programming.) If you feel like you could use some more support for this part of your parenting, and to hear all about how to support your kid as they grow their breasts, have a listen to this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car. x Sarah Ps. At the end, I mention a new mini workshop that would be great for you if you are having trouble starting conversations about all sorts of sensitive stuff with any child you have at home. To find out more, visit me at www.sarahsproule.com/sayit
‘How can I talk to my 7-year-old about body image?’ This parent’s young girl has started saying not very nice things about her own body, and has started expressing an interest in extremely skinny body types. (You can hear the whole question & story in this week’s podcast.) This courageous but tongue-tied parent is confused, like many of us would be in her situation, because she’s done everything right. She’s taught her kid about healthy eating, exercise and all the things. She’s never criticised her own body, or mentioned weight around her child. So how has this happened? As you can see, this is deep stuff. If you’re feeling like you could use more support in this part of your parenting, and to hear much more about how to chat about body image with your kids, have a listen to this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car here - And I’ll see you there. x Sarah
'How can I talk to my kids about porn, in a non-alarming way?' Let’s dig deep into three simple ways to make this easier. The answer to this question comes from the Courage pillar of the Evolved Family method. As you might know, if you watch Sitting in a Car quite a lot, the Courage pillar has to do with how we as adults can take responsibility for speaking up, and the tools we can use to do it. We learn how to start conversations, and what sentences and words to use. The Courage pillar is especially helpful here, because a lot of grown-ups feel afraid of this topic! We might try to shield our kids from ever seeing porn in the first place (not possible), or we might worry that if we talk about it… they might go look for it. So how can we chat with our kids about porn, in a way that is non-alarming? For lots of specific tips, watch this week’s episode here. And if you’d like to get Sitting in a Car straight to your inbox, Dm me and I’ll get that sorted for you. x Sarah
