(with music) TODAY'S SPECIALS DE JURE*: red foam noses for aspiring holy fools and sacred clowns, silk purple roses for those without the wherewithal to find and appreciate those flowers that die even as they to perfection grow, a limited supply of unique hats for aspiring Mad Hatters, pinballs for those who need to roll on and gather no moss in the Rube Goldberg machine of life (and may need an extra play), a song on this coin-operated Live Alexander Banjolele Jukebox (see list; 25¢), a magic trick, a joke (limited repertoire, an acquired taste for wordplay and risqué humor strongly recommended, WARNING: CONTAINS COARSE LANGUAGE), idiosyncratic art nouveau tarot reading (I tell your present unconscious b/c no one knows the future), an oracular reading of some other kind, a recitation of many cheerful facts about some obscure subject, circumlocutory improvised sermons on subjects such as art & the art letting go & flow, a recitation of pithy/comedic (sometimes obscure) movie quotes, a medicinal story or song curated and tailored to suit your unique hurts, balls-to-the-wall hammy spicy Shakespearean recitations complete with affectations, a hula hoop dance (looking's for free; touching is strictly prohibited), bonfire (unless prohibited by local burn bans), free paint-pen vandalization of anything you own including your body (no genitals please), gold plastic easter egg with a mystery treat and fortune (supplies limited), various and sundry articles of clean clothing (mostly shirts), an older slightly worn-out Toyota Camry Hybrid with some issues that still runs well and will get you out of a sticky situation (1 only; act now and get a full range of helpful tools & supplies for a road-trip-hero's-journey to discover who you are away from any demands or expectations or obligations or anyone who knows your name and is in a rush to tell you who you are and what you can do and be). Management reserves the right to refuse service to anyone; basically don't be a dick. No shirt, no shoes, no problem (want a shirt?)! Roll up, roll up, the Electric Lunatic E Pluribus Unum Traveling Show may be coming to a town near you! If you have your own vehicle and a mind to join this socially distanced circus, please inquire within (music/libations will greatly improve chances of a successful audition). Don't eat the brown acid or the yellow snow. First aid available upon request, including 10 minutes of compassionate listening to sorrows followed by a song (sessions limited, come early, 4am-ers have priority). The Junk Man hath spoken. Nyah! 

* 'By Law.' Practices that are legally recognized, regardless of whether the practice exists in reality. It is possible to have multiple simultaneous conflicting (de jure) legalities, possibly none of which is in force (de facto).