What is a biblical view of sex in a Christian marriage? What does the bible say about withholding sex from your spouse? What threatens enjoyable sex? Read or listen to this chapter from Your Marriage God’s Way for answers.



Table of ContentsA BIBLICAL VIEW OF SEXSex in a Christian Marriage Is Blessed by GodSex in a Christian Marriage Is for Enjoyment as Much as for ProcreationSex in a Christian Marriage Is CommandedYour Body Belongs to Your SpouseShould You Ever Abstain?UNDERSTANDING EROSWhat if we lack eros for our spouse?The three of the most common threats to enjoyable sex in a Christian marriageFirst, selfish attitudes threaten enjoyable sexSecond, impurity threatens enjoyable sexThird, mismatched desires threaten enjoyable sexA BIBLICAL VIEW OF SEX SEEKS TO PLEASE THE OTHERA BIBLICAL VIEW OF SEX PLEASES GOD



How do we determine the important topics in Scripture? I frequently tell my congregation that God does not use highlighting, italics, boldface, or underlining for emphasis. Instead, He uses repetition when He wants to make sure we don’t miss something.



Sexual intimacy is discussed several times in the Old and New Testaments. One entire book—Song of Solomon—is dedicated largely to the topic. When God’s Word addresses a subject repeatedly because it is important, we must make it important in our lives by learning what Scripture has to say. If we don’t do this, we are more likely for our understanding of that subject to be shaped by the world. When it comes to sexuality, we definitely want to know what the Bible teaches, for secular society has a thoroughly corrupt view of it. So let’s take a closer look at God’s intended design for intimacy in marriage, starting with three key truths.



A BIBLICAL VIEW OF SEX



Sex in a Christian Marriage Is Blessed by God



Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” The word “bed” is a euphemism for sexual activity, and within marriage, God calls this activity “undefiled,” which means “pure.” The same New Testament Greek word is used earlier in Hebrews 7:26 to describe Jesus, our High Priest, as “holy, harmless, undefiled.” God wants us to know there is absolutely nothing sinful or compromising about sexual activity between a husband and wife.



When it comes to wrong thoughts about sexuality, we typically think of the devil tempting people to disobey the second half of Hebrews 13:4 and engage in sexual activity outside of marriage. But what about when he tempts people to disobey the first half of the verse? He leads them to believe sexual intimacy is defiled, or impure.



I once counseled a man in his fifties who was addicted to pornography. I mention his age only because pornography is more typically considered a struggle for young, single men. But it can enslave men—and women—of any age, in any season of life. Let me say up front this man’s actions were sinful; there is no minimizing the wickedness of what he was doing. That said, after months of counseling, it became apparent that one reason for his addiction was a wrong view of intimacy. His mother told him at a young age that sex was filthy, and he was never able to rid himself of that belief. He told me, “I look at porn because at least then I’m not involving my wife in a dirty activity.” Though I tried to convince him otherwise, he never seemed to be able to shake himself free of his mother’s incorrect teaching.



In the Song of Solomon, the couple consummate their relationship in chapter 4, and we read of God’s approval in 5:1: “Eat, O friends! Drink, yes, drink deeply, O beloved ones!” This invitation is meant to encourage husbands and wives in their sexual activity. Not only should intimacy in marriage not be thought of as neutral, amoral, or nonspiritual, it should be thought of as good, spiritual, and blessed by God.



Sex in a Christian Marriage Is for Enjoyment as Much as for Procreation