hi Clare I loved your book it’s not me and it’s not you. Would you say that When we heal do we get what we want to have in our life? 

10m

Mar 30

This course is blowing me away - quite literally 🤣 and I’m loving the journey. It is so powerful to confront the ego and feel into that contraction and inquire into the story from the position of neutral, curious awareness. I am wanting to get more experientially connected with the portal of powerful healing. Your book recommendation for this portal is Dr Nicole LePara So before buying, I listened to a podcast with Dr Nicole speaking about the book and what she teaches in it. She talked repeatedly about her ethos being about moving beyond the traditional teachings of psychology to embracing the holistic inter-connected whole mind-body system and its inter-connectedness to all life as a whole..   Then she emphasised about us being the chooser of our actions and I wondered if this was contradictory to the non-dual teaching of no chooser and doer. The latter is starting to really land for me - particularly the way that new choices/decisions occur sub-consciously through changes in what is understood by the mind-body system-  and I don’t want to resurrect old beliefs by reading this book if one of its keystone premises is that there is a little me who has the power to makes choices. Please can you advise me on any caveat as to how I engage with the messages in the book in order to gain from it the things you had in mind when you recommended it.

8m

Mar 29

I am on the Be the Change course and I love what you are saying. Is there a risk though that it might open the doors to victim blaming? How do we make sure that doesn’t happen.

7m

Mar 28

What was your most intense spiritual experience this year?.

9m

Mar 27

I dont understand a word of what you are saying. Can you tell me the basics? 

8m

Mar 26

I was on a retreat and the teacher and the participants laughed at the idea of non-dual therapy because all of it is an illusion anyway and yet your work seems to be going more and more in that direction. Can you say more?

10m

Mar 25

Cycle of retraumatisation: example from social media  My partner moved in at the beginning of the year, a month later we bought our first puppy. Neither of us has owned a dog before but were both super excited.    I hate my life now. I was so happy with my partner moving in, it felt so natural and my 12 year DD adjusted well too. Home has always been my favourite place and now I absolutely hate being here. My partner is very active in caring for pup so it’s not like he’s not helping.     We’ve just had a row over pup as he tried to come downstairs and take over because he thought I was getting too angry. This just felt so patronising and obviously hit a nerve because I do feel like the worlds shittest dog owner.    He loves pup and they are best mates, I just feel like the evil puppy hater and I’m jealous of the bond they have. I’ve had 3 hours sleep tonight and Im currently on the sofa next to pups crate just crying. Someone please tell me it gets better because I’m starting to feel very very dark. I’m just gobsmacked at the emotional toll it’s taking. I find the screech type barking really hard and I don’t have a huge amount of patience. My partner does though so I just feel so inferior.         I wasn’t a great mum to my daughter when she was born and it’s triggering that exact same guilt. I knew it would be hard I just didn’t expect it to make me miserable and resentful

11m

Mar 24

OMG, I just realised the “I can’t do xyz or I’ll die” (the basis of nearly all of our/my fears) doesn’t mean my body will die, it means the construct of ‘I’ will die!! It’s total bullshit, all of it, because I doesn’t even exist!

6m

Mar 23

How can the mirror exercise not lead to self recrimination - something that I am very good at? 

10m

Mar 21

I would like to be "love", "hope", "freedom", "peace", "joy", and me. How? The "me" would love to wake up one day and be the definition of these words. 

8m

Mar 20

Does anyone have a story they can share with me of suffering = healing. It really doesn’t feel that way right now!

9m

Mar 19

I listened to today’s podcast and found it really helpful, but I have a further question if that’s ok? Clare talked about going into the body being the way in which we come into reality, into the present moment and into true healing. But if we feel our thinking, then surely the sensations in the body are a result of our current thinking, in that moment, which is made up of the continual searching to find peace? I do find it helpful going into the body but it also revs up my mind, but perhaps that is because I have such a detached relationship with my body that going into it brings up fear.  I hope the question makes sense! 

10m

Mar 18

This morning I went into the body instead of the narrative. Within a few minutes I experienced quiet and then got out of bed. 5:15 am which I often would go back to sleep but I thought Id journal. There wasnt much there. I could have gone back into the narrative while journaling but I didnt.  Okay so here I am SANE as you would say.  My mind goes - Now what? 

10m

Mar 17

I spent years doing a method where I would question thoughts/beliefs. It served me to see that "I" was making a choice and that if I wanted to feel happier then I could choose to believe something else. It was powerful to discover that my thoughts created my reality. After 15 years of this approach, I entered the coaching world and found an infinite number of approaches to feeling happier, content, grounded including meditation, 3Ps, falling into the space of who/what I really am, etc. When I came across your work and had the mind-blowing realization that "I/ME" was an accumulation of thoughts, stories - a spinning mental narrative projecting an external world of childhood wounds, traumas, insecurities - I was excited because I knew it was true. "I" was a story.  Even with that knowledge, every morning, I wake up into a fear-based, identified mind e.g. terror, low-level anxiety, worry, out-of-control imagination of bad things happening to me and my loved ones, etc and when I engage with those thoughts, I notice the same themes of lack, control, wrongness, trying to be safe, resistance, etc. This experience feels real, feels like ME, who I am. Intellectually, I know that isnt true but its experienced as true, real.  Ive heard you say to question the minds narrative, get curious, parent the child/survival mind. . .but I end up caught in the negative mental loop. And Ive heard you say - get sane, present - go into the body. When I do the latter, I can feel the levels of fear, discomfort. I can get beneath them to feel sensations and often quiet is experienced. But nothing else.  Isnt this a form of spiritual bypass? I know Im not using spiritual superiority as a way to hide from insecurities but Im "avoiding" the mental narrative by going into the body. Im not experiencing the fear or anger or upset. Im not "facing" the stories of lack, examining the childhood wounds, questioning them nor understanding them.  Any more thoughts on this would be helpful. 

15m

Mar 16

DEAR CLARE, REGARDING THE MIRROR - IS THIS WHAT YOU MEAN? I AM RESENTFUL OF MY BADLY BEHAVING TEENAGE DAUGHTER BECAUSE SHE IS LIMITING MY FREEDOM. SHE WON'T DO WHAT I SAY. SHE'S OUT OF CONTROL. I CAN'T CONTROL HER. AND I NEED HER TO BEHAVE DIFFERENTLY AS I CANNOT CONTINUE WITH THIS INTOLERABLE SITUATION. AS A RESULT OF HER CONSTANT DRAMA, MY LIFE IS OUT OF CONTROL AND NOT AS I WANT IT. THE MIRROR: WHERE I AM I DOING WHAT I AM ACCUSING HER OF? MY DAUGHTER IS APPEARING AS SHE IS BECAUSE I AM LIMITING HER FREEDOM. I WON'T DO WHAT SHE SAYS. I'M CONTROLLING HER. AND SHE NEEDS ME TO BEHAVE DIFFERENTLY AS SHE CANNOT CONTINUE WITH THIS INTOLERABLE SITUATION. AS A RESULT OF MY CONSTANT DRAMA, HER LIFE IS OUT OF HER CONTROL AND NOT AS SHE WANTS IT I HAD NOT THOUGHT ABOUT IT THAT WAY BEFORE, AND I SEE THAT IS TOTALLY TRUE. NOW WHAT? STOP LIMITING HER FREEDOM SO SHE CAN STOP LIMITING MINE? NOT POSSIBLE DUE TO THE CATASTROPHE AND ACTUAL DANGER THAT WOULD CREATE - SUCH A RESISTANCE TO EVEN CONSIDERING THIS. PLUS MY IDENTIFY OF 'PARENT' IS ALSO PULLED INTO THIS. BUT THERE IS STILL AN OBVIOUS 'ME' AND 'HER' IN WHAT I'VE JUST WRITTEN. THANKS FOR THE MIRROR, CLARE - WHAT DO I DO WITH WHAT I SEE? HOW DO I 'UNSEPARATE' THE 'SEPARATION' AS IS THAT EVEN THE AIM OF THE GAME. OR WHAT?

9m

Mar 15

 Ive been experimenting.  Im a new coach and a few days after listening to the abundance subliminal secured my first paying client, hehe! I am immersed in your youtube podcast ... and have read the Home and Its not You books ... so far! I hope you are feeling better ... and thank you for your work!

9m

Mar 15

What does "heart not in it" or "going through the motions" mean if there is no self? "to do the base functions of an activity without much thought or interest or enthusiasm" also to do it without commitment or insincerely.  If emotions are continuing to shift, is this just the system doing what makes sense without the emotions ending up as interested or pleasurable? I do dishes every day, I wouldnt describe it as going through the motions, and also wouldnt say its interesting or that I do them enthusiastically.

12m

Mar 14

I just found out that my daughter is self harming again or still. Also she thinks she can’t anything and so she just doesn’t care. About school in this case. She still cares a lot about animals. I have like a black out in an exam. I want to see my equivalent but I don’t know what to look for. Ok, the don’t care was quite a pattern but not so much anymore. But the self harming? Yes I used to smoke, and take drugs and binge eat, but I‘m not for decades/years. This can’t be it?

17m

Mar 13

1. Can we revisit the "real world" bit as in where information about reality stops and imagination begins and vice versa.  2. I noticed in a recent call you said "isnt it interesting how reality can shift so dramatically from one moment to the next?" The speaker had been commenting about what I have noticed as well, that for example in the morning there will be "bad" feelings about a specific situation, and then in the afternoon it somehow looks different although nothing about the situation has changed. I have called this the perceptual lens changing. But you call it reality. Is that because there is no doer choosing to have one specific lens or another? Or is it because all reality is subjective? Or both? And this is also why non-dual teachers say everything is an illusion at the far end of this discussion?

17m

Mar 12

I get confused around the notion of "privilege" thats more and more common these days. How do racism, sexism, classism, etc. all fit into our understanding? As a valid, white, heterosexual cis-woman I sometimes feel the social pressure to acknowledge my "privilege" or witness people confessing theirs, but it doesnt quite make sense on a deeper level.  How can I be responsible or sorry for my race/gender/sexual orientation, etc? I was at an anti-racism workshop lately and the vocabulary appeared to reinforce duality: victim/villain, people of colour/white people, etc. How do you approach discrimination through a compassionate non-dual lens? Is there really such a thing as "privilege" ?

16m

Mar 11

Ive often heard you talk about the love that we find when all our believed thoughts and illusions are finally dropped.  Obviously, Ive never gotten anywhere near a million miles away from even first base in this respect, but Im feeling a tad anxious and lacking that even in my most "oh, I think I just had a bit of a glimpse of what everyones pointing at" moments, I never seem to have any kind of connection with anything like a love feeling.  I can feel nice and peaceful and calm enough, yes, but its a pleasantly nothingy kind of feeling at best.  So I was wondering if one day you could talk a bit more about this love and joy and expansive freedom that is real Reality, and -  oh, I dont know - I suppose Im asking you to make me feel a bit better at not being able to feel it. Sorry.  Told you Im a real pain.  But I truly am curious/puzzled as to what exactly you mean when you use the word "love" for what lies beyond. Still, I do know what I mean when I say all love to you,

10m

Mar 10

I am doing the Be the Change course. I understand the message that change happens from within us . but there are still terrible acts out there. People’s behaviour can be violent and dangerous. is there not a risk that we will let this go untacked while we are working on ourselves? 

11m

Mar 09

Since starting to learn about non duality and having some big shifts in realisation I am finding myself getting frustrated with my friends and the inconsequential things they discuss. I feel like saying to them that none of these things are real anyway but of course I don’t but I do end up withdrawing from the conversation and getting quieter. What should I do about this. Is it only possible now to have friends that are in this conversation? 

10m

Mar 08

What is healing? Listener question

13m

Mar 07

Non-violent communication. Marshall Rosenberg. Sunday book

5m

Mar 05

Great blog as always... It leaves me with the sense that Im still not seeing something. There is a sense that what thoughts are paid attention to and which arent is somehow within my control. What youre saying is that this is not true. There is no I to direct awareness. So theres confusion. In your work I understood we were exploring and noticing the programme. In the noticing and new learning, a new programme is formed. But if there is no thing directing awareness how does this even work?! My misunderstanding - I notice a belief that has unto this point been running the show. In the noticing and being with the feelings, healing happens. A new pathway is formed. But who is doing that? Who is noticing the old beliefs and sitting with the feelings?

12m

Mar 04

Seeing that we are the awareness watching this mind body system make choices, and there is no impact to make “out there”, I’m really watching my system go into “well what’s the point then”, in a way dissolving any of my past externally driven motivations.  I also see how from here it’s just watching the system do the next thing there is to do, including doing nothing or sitting with this confusion.  If there’s no world out there to make an impact in, then there’s really the freedom to experience what we’d like to experience next, in a non-attached way being ok if it doesn’t happen.  So this observer now becoming creator of next thing this system will experience is what I’m curious about now.  Going from “well what’s the point” to “wow there’s only freedom now” I’m sorta getting intellectually, and I’m excited to experience it in an embodied/integrated way! 🥴🤩🤓

10m

Mar 03

With this understanding we attend so much more to all the things that are happening inside which can lead to very strong experiences and I wonder how to deal with this overwhelming state, especially in situations with other people?

8m

Mar 02

Since we all have our separate realities. Words like Peace, Joy, Happiness, etc. are defined differently by each of us with our separate realities. Because our definitions will all be different, are any of the definitions of these thoughts and feelings True/Truthful?

9m

Mar 01